Catharsis: the purging of emotional tensions
And purge I must. This blog is mainly about what makes me smile, but forgive me if I give off the err of perfection in this family. A college roomate read my blog and told me I was a "good mommy." Thank you, but the reason I write is not to puff me up and make me look good. Yes, I do brag on my kids and we do laugh every day and are learning to love life together, but if I fail to write what is real then I fail in general. I started this blog as a digital scrapbook, because I don't like scrapbooking and this blog seemed like a creative outlet that would allow me to store our family memories. It has served it's purpose because there are a lot of happenings that my mind would have already forgotten if they weren't on the web.
Yesterday I worked a full day and Mike went out of town, so when I came home I wanted to spend as much time playing with the kids as possible. We mainly dug in the dirt outside in beautiful weather, I might add. A quick trip to Walgreens for Owen's cough medicine was in store. So before dinner we left the house. As we were out and about I decided I had enough cash for a tall skinny vanilla latte. And since we were at Starbucks I thought why not give the kids the option of either going to the playground or Barnes & Noble to read books. To my delight they chose reading books over the playground. I thought the evening was going very well. It was now 6:30, so we returned home to make grilled cheese for dinner (Mike was out of town remember). Unfortunately what awaited us at home was not more bliss. Sammie our dog had gotten into the trash. This happens on occasion, but what was so traumatic about it was that she decided to tear open a dirty diaper that was already wrapped tight in a plastic grocery baggie. In doing so she flung poo on my walls. Not to mention that the diaper was literally shredded into tiny pieces of poo laced diaper all over my kitchen and laundry floor.
I banished the dog to the outside and vowed never to let her in unless Mike had mercy on her when he got home. The dog and I have a love/hate relationship, she only has love for us and I well, It's love/hate. She purposely chooses to do these things at the most inopportune times for me and i think she enjoys it. Anyhow, my anger got the best of me and the rest of the night with the kids was spent with me frustrated and short and frustrated and short and frustrated and short. By the time I tucked them into bed, Caeden said, "mom guess who I love the best in our family?......Daddy". I leaned down and kissed him and told him I loved him very much.
Shot right in the heart. I knew I had hurt his feelings. This morning I apologized to him for letting my anger get the best of me.
I am still upset at myself with how much I let that one incident determine my joy.
Sammie did finally come in the house to get a bath and her teeth brushed (by Mike)
So there you have it, I am in continual need of God's grace, mercy and power in my life.